I grew up in the suburbs and had a childhood kinda like the kids in E.T. Without the alien. Disappearing on bikes miles and miles away only to return at dark. Splashing around in creeks, cardboard sliding down country hills. Flashlight tag, egg wars, skateboard ramps, a touch of mischief, the occasional fight, but all in all I had it pretty easy.

In my early 20’s I was struck with what I can only characterize as an intense aversion to my status quo based trajectory and found myself engulfed in an overpowering desire for meaning. It was burning me up. My passion was enormous, my compass swinging wildly, my emotions oscillating between ecstatic and devastated constantly, I took on the delusional burden of “Saving the world.” I was never good at sitting with problems. I’d always immediately confront everything. So when my sphere of awareness finally expanded beyond my tiny self into the broader world, that unrefined desire to “fix” things went with it.

I labored to learn and do everything possible to live as lightly on earth as possible. I spent years in deep study of all things environmentally related. 3 years of 20+ units per semester becoming an expert in how we are impacting our life support systems. The biology, ecology, ecological economics, socio-economics, and chemistry of it all. My friends were partying in the city, making money and having a laugh. I was heavy with hard truths about humanity’s shortcomings and our struggling ecosystem.

When I realized how much schooling was making me an expert at knowing the world’s worst problems intimately and conversely anemic in anything solutions oriented, I threw it all out. I left school and educated depression, and devoted the next years of my life learning how to convert vehicles to run on vegetable oil. I learned how to build ovens, and homes completely out of natural materials. Namely, mud, sand, and straw. I learned to grow and cook food. I learned to crochet my own hats and ferment vegetables. To run saws and swing a hammer. To live in community. To go without. I had no t.v. and no computer for a decade. I had no cellphone until I was 30. For 3 years, I effectively had no phone at all. We didn’t even have a mirror. I worked on a farm 40-50 hours a week in exchange for food and an opportunity to live in community in an earthen hut that I built. I took night classes on automotive electronics and diesel mechanics to be able to convert more vehicles to run clean. I worked weekends giving tours of Muir Woods and wine country for a company that only used biodiesel for fuel. I took side work doing natural building, veggie conversions, and even being an onboard mechanic and driver for an author/activist’s veggie oil powered coach bus on a national tour. I was thin, hungry, dirty, broke, disconnected from society at large, and yet in many ways, the most connected I’d ever been. Then I found Mandy.

We moved in together. I took a job doing timber framing. We immediately began working nights on a multi year project together and taking side jobs on the weekends. We did that for years and saved every penny until we started the farm.

Earthen plaster project done by Steve

All of that prepared me for the farm, and simultaneously did nothing to prepare me for the farm. Prepared in the sense that I was no stranger to hard work, lack of sleep, aches, pains, and empty pockets. Prepared in the sense that I could build things, do electrical, plumbing, mechanical, and had studied biology and botany etc…. Not prepared in the sense that I’d packed a lot into my weeks, but had never consistently worked 105 hour weeks in 5th gear. I’d never done that for multiple months straight, let alone multiple years straight. I’d never been as threadbare so intensely for so long, with no apparent light at the end of the tunnel, as I had after starting this farm. I can’t describe it. Everyone in our families were significantly and vocally quite concerned about us, our prospects, and mainly….our health. They also knew we were stubborn as hell and determined AF to make it work. We had no plan B. No escape hatch. No parachute. All-in, meant all-in.

So a couple of years into doing farmers markets, when I was one strong breeze from breaking completely in 2 and people would tell me with beaming smiles that I was living their dream and would ask me how great it was to be amongst so much beauty all the time… Mandy would very frequently have to remind me, emphatically at times, that they do not want to hear the real answer. They are having a cheerful Saturday morning at a life affirming event, surrounded by smiling people, buying beautiful flowers. Don’t ruin that for them with my honest response… She was right. She generally is.

  Fortunately the farm has matured, we have good help, and the lows aren’t as consistent, and generally aren’t as low, but we’re always one freak storm away from a bad year and a good story.  Somehow sharing bits of that reality in the newsletter isn’t quite the breach of etiquette that it would be at a farmers market, so I do occasionally write about challenges here.  It’s important to note that our story is not really unique and it's not even close to the toughest version out there either.  We know so many farmers who’ve lost farms to landlords, tornados, floods, fire’s, etc….  Not to mention the impact of trade wars on the USDA and other farm agencies that help farmers through the roughest times.  We are not alone in this.  The highs and lows.  The passion and the pain.  The ups and downs of cultivating beauty through weather, pest, and injury.  The stories of the lives of the people behind the flowers is such a compelling premise that Floret decided it was worth a 3-part documentary.  So, I’m excited to share that we are one of 30 or so farms that were interviewed and featured in this behind the scenes look at the life of a flower farmer. Spoiler alert, I did shed a few tears during the interview.  We had a rough day prior to that interview, so I was very heart-on-sleeve. Not gonna lie. Mandy and I also got a little misty watching it.  The series, The Beautiful Pursuit, was created by Floret, a flower farm in Washington state. The idea behind the series was to go beyond the way flower farming is often portrayed on social media and instead illustrate what it really takes to bring local flowers to our community. If you watch it, you will see some interview clips with Mandy and I, as well as some videos from our farm and community.

  When you buy flowers from our farm, you’re not only receiving beautiful blooms—you’re also supporting a way of life that requires immense dedication and resilience.  This series shows why your support means so much to farms like ours.  The first chapter is about why people come to flower farming. The second talks about some of the misconceptions and hardships of this path. The final chapter focuses on what we have learned and why we keep going. You can watch the series here.  I did see the trailer and saw that some of our old farm friends at Pepper Harrow Farm are in it. They are an inspiring couple who actually lost their whole Iowa based farm to a tornado a few years back.  They were hosting their child’s birthday party when it hit and had all the children run to the basement of the house.  The storm was so violent, that every building on their farm blew away.  The barns, the farm store, the greenhouses, a decade of building a business and a life…. all ripped up in the course of minutes and blown into a million pieces.  As they huddled in the basement with all those children, they could see the house lifting off the foundation.  The anchor bolts he had fastened the sill plate to the concrete foundation with were pulling up.  They were inches from extreme tragedy, yet somehow, the bolts did not give way and the house held down.  The children were safe.  They all survived.  They have since rebuilt. Tough as nails.  I can’t even imagine.  (Updated:  We watched it after I wrote this and Pepper Harrow’s tornado footage is in there..Incredible).

  Anyway, I hope you will consider sharing it with your family and friends.  The producer (Rob Finch) is the same creative genius who produced Growing Floret, which is an unbelievably well done series and I’m so glad they decided to collaborate again on this, because they are such a magical team.  Give it a view and share with friends! In local news, our dear friends at Comer Coffee are hosting a party and serving delicious food from 12-4 this Sunday for the closing of Cameron Lydon’sart exhibit of surreal and stunningly detailed drawings.  Cameron also happens to be the roommate of our very own Rachel Gibson (also featured in the documentary), so you just might meet a celebrity while sipping a latte, expanding your mind, enjoying some food, and dipping your toes in the cool breeze that is downtown Comer on a Sunday afternoon.I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Steve